Love and Hate on Aisle 1
Life is full of mysteries. Like why USelect packages potatoes and tomatoes together. If you want to make French fries, you'd better be making your own ketchup too.
In my last neighborhood on the Dark Side, I had a love-hate relationship with USelect. Like most relationships, it started off so well. I was full of hope at our potential together. When we first moved in, the two closest grocery stores were terrors. The "produce section" of one was a musty cardboard box with a few oranges and a wilting head of cabbage. I'm not even joking. No wonder it shuttered a few months after my first (and last) visit.
So imagine my delight when a shiny, pocket-sized USelect opened down the street. What? A grocery store that carried Parmesan cheese AND mozzarella? And several jars of olives! There were lots of Tesco products, which we couldn't properly appreciate, as Americans. Especially the monstrosity that was labeled "Salt and Cider Vinegar Crisps" (or something like that). When I want my chips drenched in apple juice, I'll do it myself, thank you very much. But I did like trying other, less vile, Tesco products.
And then, after lulling me into a false sense of security and getting me to trust, it started. The USelect started changing. Some of the products that we had exclaimed over in the beginning began slinking off the shelves. The Parmesan was replaced by Gouda and then by cheddar and then finally by Kraft singles. The olives disappeared, with some canned tomatoes brazenly taking the shelf space as if they'd been there the whole time.
And then USelect started playing mind games with me.
I was overjoyed that it was carrying the kind of granola I liked. As a Coloradan, my granola standards are very high. I don't want any crap in it. You can keep your dates and puffed rice and dried bananas out of it, thank you very much. And I certainly don't want your muesli (you're not fooling me; I know you're just eating raw oatmeal). But USelect actually had a kind I liked that didn't cost a first-born child! And I don't even have children, so a first-born would actually be a bit harder for me to acquire....
USelect understood me. They had a nice honey and almond granola bag. Simple. It was reasonably priced and delicious. I was happy.
Until.
One day, as I reached for the honey and almond granola, I realized that the bag was gone. In its place sat a bag of fruit and nut granola. I drew back, aghast. Where was the honey and almond? No matter how I searched, no matter how many bags I pawed through, only fruit and nut granola stared up at me.
Disgruntled, I took the fruit and nut granola to the register. Over a few weeks, my taste buds accepted the imposter (did I ever mention that my taste buds are particularly ornery in the morning?) and even began to enjoy the new cereal.
Until.
I was reaching for the bag of fruit and nut granola, just to realize that there were no more fruit and nut granola bags on the shelf. They had been replaced with very berry granola. Shocked and dismayed, I wavered. Should I try to start over again? I had just gotten over the last bag of granola. Did I really want to try again so soon? I found myself at the register, very berry granola bag in hand. I would try it.
My taste buds never really liked the new granola, but they came to a grudging acceptance over the course of a few weeks. It was still granola, after all. Still reasonably priced and still no crispy rice in it.
Until.
I was once again frozen, mid-reach, at the granola shelf. What was this staring up at me? The label said granola, but what were those kibble-like bits that were mixed in with the oats? And what about those strange twigs? I didn't know what was in that bag, but I did know that my trust had finally been broken.
I walked back to my house carrying a single banana. To rub salt in the wound, the milk shelf was empty.
One would think that after going through so much, I would be over USelect. I would buy my over-priced milk and giant bags of oatmeal elsewhere. I mean, I hadn't seen any rotten fruit at the Park 'N Shop down the block ever since USelect moved in.
But you know, USelect was also closer to my bus stop. Life is complicated. sometimes.
In my last neighborhood on the Dark Side, I had a love-hate relationship with USelect. Like most relationships, it started off so well. I was full of hope at our potential together. When we first moved in, the two closest grocery stores were terrors. The "produce section" of one was a musty cardboard box with a few oranges and a wilting head of cabbage. I'm not even joking. No wonder it shuttered a few months after my first (and last) visit.
So imagine my delight when a shiny, pocket-sized USelect opened down the street. What? A grocery store that carried Parmesan cheese AND mozzarella? And several jars of olives! There were lots of Tesco products, which we couldn't properly appreciate, as Americans. Especially the monstrosity that was labeled "Salt and Cider Vinegar Crisps" (or something like that). When I want my chips drenched in apple juice, I'll do it myself, thank you very much. But I did like trying other, less vile, Tesco products.
And then, after lulling me into a false sense of security and getting me to trust, it started. The USelect started changing. Some of the products that we had exclaimed over in the beginning began slinking off the shelves. The Parmesan was replaced by Gouda and then by cheddar and then finally by Kraft singles. The olives disappeared, with some canned tomatoes brazenly taking the shelf space as if they'd been there the whole time.
And then USelect started playing mind games with me.
I was overjoyed that it was carrying the kind of granola I liked. As a Coloradan, my granola standards are very high. I don't want any crap in it. You can keep your dates and puffed rice and dried bananas out of it, thank you very much. And I certainly don't want your muesli (you're not fooling me; I know you're just eating raw oatmeal). But USelect actually had a kind I liked that didn't cost a first-born child! And I don't even have children, so a first-born would actually be a bit harder for me to acquire....
USelect understood me. They had a nice honey and almond granola bag. Simple. It was reasonably priced and delicious. I was happy.
Until.
One day, as I reached for the honey and almond granola, I realized that the bag was gone. In its place sat a bag of fruit and nut granola. I drew back, aghast. Where was the honey and almond? No matter how I searched, no matter how many bags I pawed through, only fruit and nut granola stared up at me.
Disgruntled, I took the fruit and nut granola to the register. Over a few weeks, my taste buds accepted the imposter (did I ever mention that my taste buds are particularly ornery in the morning?) and even began to enjoy the new cereal.
Until.
I was reaching for the bag of fruit and nut granola, just to realize that there were no more fruit and nut granola bags on the shelf. They had been replaced with very berry granola. Shocked and dismayed, I wavered. Should I try to start over again? I had just gotten over the last bag of granola. Did I really want to try again so soon? I found myself at the register, very berry granola bag in hand. I would try it.
My taste buds never really liked the new granola, but they came to a grudging acceptance over the course of a few weeks. It was still granola, after all. Still reasonably priced and still no crispy rice in it.
Until.
I was once again frozen, mid-reach, at the granola shelf. What was this staring up at me? The label said granola, but what were those kibble-like bits that were mixed in with the oats? And what about those strange twigs? I didn't know what was in that bag, but I did know that my trust had finally been broken.
I walked back to my house carrying a single banana. To rub salt in the wound, the milk shelf was empty.
One would think that after going through so much, I would be over USelect. I would buy my over-priced milk and giant bags of oatmeal elsewhere. I mean, I hadn't seen any rotten fruit at the Park 'N Shop down the block ever since USelect moved in.
But you know, USelect was also closer to my bus stop. Life is complicated. sometimes.
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